Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Honesty

Does it make you stupid or brave to tell somebody you like them knowing you will never get the response you secretly desire?  As you may have guessed I told the boy I liked the truth.   He responded by kissing another girl and taking her home with him.   Only to report back to the group that upon getting said girl home he realized he had made an infinite blunder and couldn't go through with the deed.  I will not try to understand his actions.


After much contemplation and of course an evening of listening to Death Cab for Cutie I have decided that the most appropriate plan of action is to move on from this crush, ignore any further advances and consider everything from this point onward as merely friendship.  

'Nobody can hurt me without my permission' 

After the debacle of an evening I returned to my best friends house and received a phone call from Chris.  It was 4 am in the morning.  His desperation and threats of suicide lead me to speak to him for over an hour and  agree to meet him today on the condition he did not harm himself.   True to my word I met up with him today to discuss our break-up and make it clear to him I didn't in any way want to reconcile.  I normally find a task like this extremely difficult as I am easily manipulated by a vulnerable person.  Today though for whatever reason I stood my ground and stuck to my word.  However this got me thinking that perhaps my crush had lead me to crave real romance and acknowledge that the relationship I had once had with Chris was never romantic.  Perhaps that's the lesson to learn out of all of this, regret the things you did rather than the things you didn't.  What I want in a relationship and in life is out there waiting for me,  I just need to figure out the finer details.  For now I will remember the wise words of Churchill.

 'If you're going through hell, keep going'




2 comments:

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